I Had A "Dream"

Yes, I had a dream. It was a crazy dream. I had a dream that there were no crowds on the subway. I had a dream that everyone standing on the train had a bar to hold on to. I had a dream that people didn’t hog more than one seat. And that people didn’t hog the pole when other people needed to hold on to it. I had a dream that the floor of the subway wasn’t sticky and than people let you off the subway before getting on. I had a dream that you could understand the announcements on the train. Imagine hearing that the hell they just said? I had a dream that dirty homeless people who begged for money vanished and people who sung for money had their larynx taken out. I had a dream that people on the train didn’t play their Walkmans so loud for the entire car to hear it. I had a dream that there was no B.O. (Body Odor) on the train. I had a dream that there were never red stop signals delaying trains and that all trains would consistently step on the gas and move instead of that horrible crawl that most of them do. I had a dream that the waiting platforms had fresh air to breathe and that it wasn’t so hot and sticky. I had a dream that Metro Cards would slide through the turnstile on the first try. I had a dream that A-holes who hopped the turnstile to save $1.50 would either fall down the stairs or slip and fall in front of an oncoming train. I had a dream that people wouldn’t ask stupid questions on the ticket line and would learn how to read the subway map. I had a dream that the people in the ticket booth would smile every once and a while. I had a dream that lazy people would pick up the pace down the stairs when a train was coming so people could make the train before the doors close on them. I had a dream where there was East Side subways so people didn’t have to walk 3 to 4 Avenues to get to them.

Oh, and this dream didn’t end on the subway. It took me out of the subway. This dream was so real and I wish it was true. I had a dream that people obeyed escalator etiquette. People would stand on the right side and pass on the left. I had a dream where people did NOT block the walking lane going up. I had a dream that the sidewalks were not crowded. People had to walk either my speed or get out of my way. Slow walkers were given a $5 ticket for holding up traffic. I had a dream where people didn’t stop in the middle of the sidewalk and have conversations. I had a dream where the elderly and the Asians picked up their feet. I had a dream where people who walked slower than you didn’t get in front of you at a corner only to get re-passed a few seconds later. I had a dream where I actually opened up a Walking 101 Class where I taught people in all weather temperatures to pick up the pace. If it is hot, walk faster to get your ass home into a cool apartment. If it is cold, walk faster to get your ass home into a warm apartment. If it is wet, walk faster to get your ass home into a dry apartment. If it is hot and dry, walk faster to get your ass into a shower. I’d teach people how to walk past the slow tourist taking pictures. I’d teach people how to avoid those giant umbrellas that take up the entire sidewalk. These should be illegal. I’d teach people how to walk at a street fair. I’d teach people how to walk in holiday traffic. Ahhhh, what a dream I had.

I had a dream that delivery men on bikes all hit pot holes and got run over by a bus. These people have NO respect for pedestrians. I had a dream that these same bike riders didn’t smell and spoke English. I had a dream that they stopped at traffic lights and obeyed the laws of the road like cars. I had a dream that if a bike rider hit a pedestrian, that the bike rider would be sent to the electric chair.

I had a dream that seeing a movie in NYC was a less stressful experience. Wouldn’t it be nice to not have to order tickets in advance? And wouldn’t it be nice if a movie wasn’t $11 a ticket? And the machines always worked when picking up your tickets you ordered. I had a dream where there was more than one station to buy popcorn and soda and that it didn’t cost as much as dinner for your snack. I had a dream where someone once told me the real ingredients in popcorn "topping." I think one of the ingredients was KY Jelly. I had a dream where tall people were only allowed to sit in the last three rows. I had a dream where people didn’t talk during a movie and where ALL people waited until the credits to leave. No more of this leaving 5 minutes early crap. This dream also gave people ONE trip to the bathroom. If you have to pee a second time, find a different seat because you are not getting by me a second time. I had a dream if the movie was so short that you got a discount and if the movie sucked, you got your money back.

This dream just kept on going and going and going. It was the Energizer Bunny of the Dream world. This dream had taxi cabs that didn’t smell and cab drivers whose name you could pronounce. Taxi drivers weren’t allowed to talk on their hands free cell phone the entire ride. Where they actually knew the fastest and quickest route to travel. I had a dream that the drivers of the cabs spoke more than 5 words of English. I had a dream that cab pulled more over to the curbs when picking up or dropping off. I had a dream that the stupid celebrity welcome messages in cabs were muted.

I had a dream where the Burger King on 41st Street between 5th and Madison didn’t charge for Barbeque Sauce. I have sick dreams of Ms. Ronald McDonald getting it on with Wendy. But, the service is pathetic. My dream even had me win the war against BK with FREE Barbeque sauce once again. No more begging to trade 27 packs of ketchup for one BBQ sauce. It was free. The dream had the slogan, "Have It Your Way" meaning you could get it with barbeque sauce. I had a dream where the owner of this store croaked from choking on a chicken tender. He wouldn’t have died if he had FREE barbeque sauce to dip it in. Fast food should be so easy and FAST. In the city, the word "Fast" needs to be removed. Burger King should be referred to as a Painfully Slow Food Restaurant. Move aside Soup Nazi…I think we have a condiment Nazi.

I had a dream where there was no vehicle traffic. Where there wasn’t those "Thru Street" signs making traffic worse. And where there weren’t traffic cops who have no clue how to manage the high traffic areas. I had a dream where there were no horns. If you can’t go because it is a red light and you honk, you should get your had stuck in an electric blender. Try and honk the horn next time with no hand. I had a dream where traffic flowed. Where there were no street closures due to the President in town or a street fair. I had a dream where there was no rubber necking. All accidents would be placed on a site called accident.com and you could view the bloodbath when on your computer when you got to your location. I had a dream where there were more river crossing and more lanes to get to these crossings. The more crossings…the less traffic. The math is simple. I had a dream where people who went in the Easy Pass lane who don’t have easy pass would just skid out off of the bridge. Then, you wouldn’t have to worry about them in the wrong lane again. I had a dream that trucks were not allowed to double park on streets. And get rid of those traffic police who cause half of the grid lock in the first place.

I had a dream where people weren’t loud and obnoxious. For example, you have construction workers. These people are always loud. And they see a girl walk past them they say things like, "Come over here sweet thing" and "Baby, oooooh, you are a hottie…give me some sugar." Ladies, if some A-hole asks you for "sugar", throw a packet of Sweet ‘n Low in his face.

Oh, I had a dream. No, it was NOT wet. It was a dream of change to better this city. Imagine riding an express bus and knowing when the hell the next stop was. Or having local busses not stop at every other corner. Crap…I can walk faster than these busses. Imagine sitting on a bus were there is not an elderly person with giant nose hairs hanging out of his/her nose?

And this dream had elevators that were not crowded. Imagine being able to kick the asshole in the chins that tried to squeeze on an already packed elevator? Or the jackass that is on a packed elevator singing to his Walkman that blasts so loud in his ear that people on passing floors can hear. Or being able to spray Lysol on the one person that smells who gets on the elevator.

I guess this was a long dream but it was a powerful dream. This dream had all cashiers who moved as slow as turtles lose their fingers due to frostbite. Sometimes it is painful watching these morons type into a cash register. Press the keys and make change for the customer. It’s not a difficult process. It is scary how much time is wasted due to incompetent cashiers. At my bagel shop, I can have a weeks’ worth of bowel movements before I move up on line.
Then, there is the other side of the equation. You have moron customers who don’t help move lines along. First of all, have your money ready. If you have many items, take out a few twenties. Don’t get rung up and then start flipping thru the wallet for your cash. Even worse is when the wallet is not out. They first sift through their pocketbook to find the wallet and then find the money. And, then they start looking through the change purse to find a penny. I don’t have time for you to play hide and seek with your change. Just pay for the damn items and get a few more pennies back. If you want to get rid of your pennies, roll them on your own time. And my dream got me more aggravated when people at the supermarket put their groceries right next to yours. Leave some space. What the hell is the rush to get your items on the checkout counter? Use that stupid plastic divider stick. And stop paying for small items on the credit card. If you are going to make the effort to go to the supermarket, make the effort first to go to a bank. I don’t need to wait an extra two minutes for you to charge your Tic-Tac’s.

I had a dream that it was always sunny in the city. Rain sucks like bad whores. Snow sucks like that stupid owl trying to get to the center of a Blow Pop. You can’t stay dry in the rain in NYC. You got huge puddles all over the place. You got umbrellas that can’t withstand the strength of the wind. You got these A-holes with huge umbrellas that you can’t get by with out tilting yours causing you to get wet. And, you can’t get a cab in the rain so you are stuck walking in the rain. When I’m walking in the rain, I’m sure not singing in the rain. And if I was singing, I’d be singing on how much the rain was pissing me off. And Snow is just as bad. You don’t get wet when it comes down but you can’t cross any street as the drainage at each corner is useless. Hey NYC…use our tax money to fix the sewers. You get such piles of slush about 2 feet deep that you are drenched up to your knees by the time you have to cross the street. The only way to stay dry crossing the street is if you wore knickers. Knickers? Who invented this stupid clothing? It’s not quite pants and it’s not quite shorts. It’s shorter than Capri’s but longer than a Skort. And the only way people wear them is with their socks up to their knees. Ewwww. This is what ya call Sock Disease. It should be illegal to wear your socks any higher than your shin. This is uglier than men wearing bow ties to work unless you are in a tuxedo. Ooops, I sort of went away from what I was talking about.

Is this as dream or a rant? Whatever it is, I’m going to continue with Dog Doody. Actually, that is too nice of a term. It’s "dog shit." It’s horse shit that there is all this dog shit on my street. I feel like I’m in the last leg of the Battle of the Network Stars’ obstacle course ever night avoiding piles and mounds of Benji’s fecal matter. For Christ’s sake…I should get an Olympic Gold Medal every time I make it home with out ruining a pair of shoes. Who are these people walking their dog and using the street as the toilet? All I ask is that if you have your dog take a crap in the street that you take bag and clean up the mess. My street is my home. Shitting on the street is like shitting in my home. So, my dream had me shit on the couch of each person guilty of not cleaning up after their dog. The bible says, "Love thy neighbor." Well, I’ll be giving each dog owner a gift from me. And while I’m talking about dogs, these same jerks who walk them need to stop having their dogs pee in the middle of the street. Pee off to the side so we don’t have to hop, jump, and skip over M.P.P. – Major Piss Puddles.

I hate it all. I hate delivery guys as they always take forever and never appreciate their tip. I hate bugs in the apartment as they are impossible to swat and kill. I hate waiters who forgot to fill your Diet Coke when there are FREE refills. I hate the guys at restaurants who ask to put pepper or grated cheese on your dish. If I wanted it, I would ask. I hate people who go through blue plastic recycle bags to grab the cans. These people probably make more money than me. I hate when the homeless begs on the street and on the subway. Hey…they have shelters for food and warmth. I can’t support the city so I’m not supporting you. I hate bouncers at bars who think they are the King of Prussia. If I don’t have a set of tits and a nice ass, I have to wait outside in the cold to get into a bar so crowded that I can’t get a drink anyway. The hell with that. All these people should disappear. The world would be a better place. Also, the following people can disappear like the people who spray you with tons of perfume at department stores? I don’t need to walk out of a store smelling potpourri. And let’s get rid of friendly neighbors. I don’t need to feel like I have to nod my head to say hello to everyone I pass while walking down my street. I have very few nod buddies on the street with is very few more than I need to have. All this nodding my head and I’ll be in a neck brace. It is all unnecessary. Tall people at Broadway shows need to go too. A ticket is too expensive for Lurch to be sitting right in front of you preventing you from seeing a damn thing on stage. Shave your shins down a few inches and cut of your neck. And this dream had me eliminating every old lady that feeds the pigeons. This is illegal and you never see a cop arrest a senior citizen for feeding the birds. NYC pigeons are rats with wings so they should NOT be fed. They are gross and annoying. Cops need to shoot anyone feeding the pigeons. These people are old anyway so what is the difference. If they still had their mind in tact, they would NOT be feeding the pigeons in the first place. We also need to get rid of people at music stores who go around asking, "Can I help you?" Can you help me? Do you know what kind of music I like? I’m browsing. I can do that with out your stupid / annoying help. Leave me alone and let me be. And we must dispose of morons who hold up the line at ATMs. It is SO easy. Slide your card through and follow the instructions. If it takes you more than 60 seconds to get your money out, then the person waiting behind you should get 25% of your withdrawal. That would speed people up.

BUZZZ BUZZZ. BUZZZZ.

Then my alarm went off. Wow. What a dream it was. It seemed so real.

This dream had the government coming up with good ideas. They worry about smoking in bars, Sopranos cast members being invited to parades, making turns off certain streets, honking horns, and public toilets. Hey we elected a bunch of stupid assholes to run this city. I read the paper and walk the streets every day and realize we got bigger problems – terrorism, rape, murder, assault, robbery, burglary, priests fucking boys, homeless, unemployment, a bad economy, pimps, whores, thieves, drunks, arsonists, drug dealers, drug addicts, assholes, and other useless politicians like we elected. Spend the money the right way and make the laws that make the city a better place.

I got in a shower, got dressed, and headed to the subway where I stepped in a pile of dog shit.

The VILE Top 20 !

You may think I'm nut but I believe these are the most vile looking people in our country:

1 GWEN STEFANI
2 KELLY CLARKSON
3 FANTASIA BARRINO
4 BRITNEY MURPHY
5 CAROL CHANNING / PHYLLIS DILLER / BEA ARTHUR (TIE)
6 HILLARY CLINTON
7 JOAN RIVERS
8 KATHY NIMJANI
9 JOAN OSBOURNE
10 PENOLOPE CRUZ
11 MEGAN MULLALAY
12 SARAH JESSICA PARKER
13 CALISTA FLOCKHART
14 NEVE CAMPBELL
15 ANGELINA JOLIE
16 JESSICA & ASHLEY SIMPSON
17 MINNIE DRIVER
18 ALICIA KEYES
19 GWENETH PALTROW
20 CHRISTINA AGUILARA

Ban "Unhealthy" Food At School...Huh?

My letter to Assemblyman Craig Stanley, D-Essex in response to his bill that would ban the sale of foods that are defined as "having minimal nutritional value by the U.S. Department of Agriculture from being sold until 30 minutes after the end of the school day."

I can't believe this is what our politicians are wasting their time on. Well, maybe I can. People are getting murdered and raped every day. The economy stinks. Taxes are high. But, we are focused on what Fat Frank or Pudgie Paula eat in school? I don't give two craps what they eat. Do we now live in a communist nation where we can't eat what we want to eat? The only way to stop obesity it to promote health in classrooms via education. There are tons of thin kids out there who should be allowed to eat what they want. Why should a few fat kids who's parents feed them poorly or have bad genes have any impact on what Skinny Stuart or Thin Theressa eat? Hey, why don't we just go into these fat people's houses and arrest the parents for feeding their kids sugar cereal before school and then giving them ice cream when they get home and candy and chips before bed. This bill is a total joke. Stopping "junk food" in school is only going to cause more problems. Now, instead of monitoring kids for guns and weapons in school, you'll need a dog to sniff out chocolate that kids will sneak in to munch on between classes. We need to worry about education and let the parents worry about their children's weight. And it is not just FAT content in food. Carbs and lack of exercise are issues as well that are attributed to obesity. Have you even ever eaten school food? First of all, it SUCKS. Secondly, it's mostly fried and full of carbs. Isn't ALL cafeteria food at school unhealthy? I've seen the school turkey sandwich and it tastes like wet vulcanized rubber. So, hell...on that note, why don't you just close down ALL school cafeterias while you are at it. That will stop the obesity issue. This is another example of residents of the state having their money wasted on beyond stupid issues. Fix the REAL issues first and when they are all fixed and you are bored, you can worry about stupid things like junk food in the schools. I'm just sick that this is where my tax money goes -- to morons making up ridiculous bills. Do we live in NJ or UTAH...come on...let's focus on something more substantial.

Sincerely,
Kevin Harrison

Screw The Foreman Grill !

I had a George Foreman grill for a long time and finally, before moving, threw this awful invention in the garbage. Could this invention be any worse?

Commercials crave that "you'll enjoy less time in the kitchen."

However, that is the MOST incorrect statement I've ever heard. You actually spend MORE time in the kitchen because the stupid grill takes forever to clean. I could clean my car inside and out quicker than cleaning a George Foreman grill.

I am so relieved that I chucked my grill in the garbage and have been urging friends to do the same as no one has the time and patience it takes to clean the grilling surface. Big George is making a fortune of robbing Americans with the so-called "easy clean grill." What a joke.
People…if you want an "easy clean grill" go buy a Weber gas grill and a grill brush. You cook. You brush. You close the lid. It's quick and easy.

However, the George Foreman grill is not that easy. You grill and dry the shit out of the piece of meat you are electrocuting with all of the juices going into that banana shaped dish. Then, you have this stupid plastic scraper to scrape off all the filth and muck. That doesn't do the trick. So, you work for about a half hour with a sponge and a paper towel trying to clean the crap out of the grill's grooves. Who has the time for this? After dinner, I want to watch some reality television, not slave over a stupid grilling surface.

This company should really refund ever schmuck in America that has purchased this piece of crap and come up with an invention there the grill part can be removed and stuck in a sink or washing machine. The food would still suck but at least you'd save time cleaning the dumb thing.

For me, it's all about using a REAL grill…more fat, tasted better, no cleaning !

Let The People EAT !

Why are the United States politicians blaming fast food joints for the country's obesity problem? Don't people make their own decisions in this country what to eat? Are people all over the United States being force fed fried foods instead of a salad? If there is an apple on a table next to a chocolate bar in one's house, who is to blame when the kids eat the chocolate bar? So, let's make McDonalds, Burger King, and Wendy's responsible for people's poor choices and not put any blame on the parents. Let's just change all fast food menus to make them healthier while we are at it. Yeah…that's the solution. To the US Government: "Wake up from your dream and stop wasting the tax payers' money on this ridiculous crusade."

Fast food companies should not have to offer healthier options and promote healthier diets. One's parent or loved one should be doing that. Why does government think they need to step in. Do you think that society is that stupid that they do not know what is healthy and what is not? Parents need to teach their children and adults should know what is good for you and what is bad. Schools should then reiterate the same in health class. Isn't that what health class is about? I remember sitting there as a little shit learning about the four food groups. Should fast food chains be responsible for teaching society? I believe NOT.

The rise in obesity is not because McDonalds serves Super Size fries or KFC serving fried chicken. The rise in obesity is because people are not educated and do not care about their health or appearance. If it tastes good, people are going to eat it. One dumb ass congressman, I won't use is full name but his last name is Thompson, recently lost 15 pounds by eating less rice, potatoes, and bread. He lost this weight because he wanted to improve his appearance and be healthier. In losing this weight, fast food companies did not go away. This guy lost the weight from self-control and was educated on how to maintain a healthy diet.

This congressman even stated, "it is important to pressure the food industry, the fast food industry, the soft drink society…getting them to offer healthier foods and put more things on the menu dealing with fruits and vegetables." If McDonalds offered a McFruit salad for dessert, who the hell would order it? If you want fruit, go to a fruit stand. If you want salad, go some where else. If you want a greasy Big Mac, go to McDonalds. People make decisions themselves. They are not being forced to eat something against their will. These people make it sound like you go into a McDonalds and the manager jumps the counter and yells, "Tie that mother fucker down and stuff a Quarter Pounder down his throat." This is food people…it's not heroin. There is nothing in a Whopper that is addictive. Pure and simple, the food tastes good and people like to eat it but there is nothing in the food that you can be addicted to.

And, why is this prejudice only directed towards fast food outlets? What about ever diner and every restaurant? Hey…look at all the bad food in a supermarket. Who is to say that people's weight problems come from fast food. If I recall, I think you can get a grilled cheese sandwich and french fries every day at your local diner. The problem is we don't control what people eat. You can blame McDonalds all you want but who is to stop Little Johnny from skipping a healthy breakfast and eating a cold slice of pizza for breakfast? If you are going to try and change fast food restaurants, you will need to change ALL restaurants.

Now, what if this prejudice was taken to the next level? Let's not make all candy stores sell heads of lettuce. Let's make movie theatres sell buckets of apples and oranges instead of popcorn. Hell, let's make ice cream stands sell cones of broccoli. Come on…this whole issue is a total joke. And what about the reverse. If you are trying to make fast food stores sell healthy products then we should really have to then make health food stores sell products like Doritos and Sweet Tarts. Hey…equal rights for the food supplier's products!

Problem #1 is educating the public and not changing what restaurants serve. Teach them in school what is good and bad to eat. This should fall in the education budget. And, I do now we do teach healthy vs. unhealthy in schools, so this points back to our government being retarded. We have HUGE issues out there that are important. Can you say "Terrorism?" Can you say, "Economy?" Stop worrying about people's personal eating habits.

And, how can you even monitor what a person eats. People have choices (at least they do in this country). How do you know if someone chooses a soda over a water or juice? What about baked potato or fries. Cauliflower over corn with butter? The list is endless. People control their own destiny and make their own decisions that effect their health. Fast food chains are just filling the demand as they are a business out to make money. Maybe we should hire additional law enforcement at the take out counter for people who order too much unhealthy foods. OR, better yet, vote smucks OUT of office who waste taxpayers money thus saving us money in the long run not having to pay useless salaries.

Problem #2 is politicians like the douche bag mentioned above not having a clue. Open up your brain and let some oxygen flow in so you can think before you speak such crap. If you educate the young, then when the young get older, you can make an educated decision on what you want to eat. If you don't care, you should be able to eat what you want Mr. Dictator. The last I checked, most people have SOME common sense. Making fast food chains carry healthier foods isn't the answer. You should know what you are getting when you eat at a fast food chain. And, knowing those consequences, one should go to a gym or take a walk. This congressman even said that "30 minutes of walking would help people." So, this jackass just contradicted himself. Maybe the fast food chains should also be responsible for making people exercise after eating. "Sorry sir…you can NOT leave Wendy's unless you give me 20 pushups and 20 sit-ups." Gimme a break.

Why is this government wasting efforts to change an industry that does not need change? And why are fast food chains taking all of the heat? If I got to a TGI Fridays, I'm NOT getting the salad. I'm getting something yummy with french fries. Is that part of the fight to attack ALL restaurants that carry unhealthy items? All of these lawsuits against these fast food chains need to be throw in the garbage. They again, should NOT be taking all of the heat. These ridiculous lawsuits of obesity should be against EVERY restaurant that has at least ONE unhealthy item on its menu as well as EVERY supermarket, ice cream store, food cart, cafeteria, etc… And some lawsuits should go against the parents for passing along genes that would allow one to get heavy and for the parents that feed their children these unhealthy meals who are too lazy to cook nutritional meals.

I'm embarrassed that my tax money is going towards such a dumb fuckin' crusade by the government. While we are at it, maybe I should track down the chubby kid in 5th grade and help him sue his gym teacher for not providing him with proper exercise.

Come on…I can go on forever but I just want to plant a double Whopper with cheese between my lips because I can !

What Is Wrong With This Country !

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY'S LEGAL SYSTEM, GOVERNMENT AND POLITICIANS. THEY SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON THE ECONOMY, UNEMPLOYMENT, TERRORISM, DEFENSE, IMMIGRATION, TRADE, HIGH TAXES, BUDGETS, INTEREST RATES, INFLATION, INSURANCE/HEALTHCARE, SOCIAL SECURITY, AUTO SAFETY / DWI PREVENTION, MURDER, RAPE, ROBBERY, ASSULT, ARSON, HOMELESS, EDUCATION, POLITICAL REFORM, ENVIORNMENT, FREE SPEECH, EQUAL RIGHTS, DISEASE - HEART / CANCER / AIDS etc…, FOREIGN AFFAIRS, KEEPING JOBS IN THE US, INFLATION, HOOKERS, DRUGS, ETC…

HOWEVER, READING THE PAPER AND WATCHING THE NEWS EVERY DAY, IT SEEMS WE ARE FOCUSED ON PURE STUPIDITY. WHERE IS THE COMMON SENSE? WHY IS OUR TAX MONEY GOING TOWARDS THE RIDICULOUS THINGS. THE FOLLOWING IS SOME OF THE ABSURD ISSUES OUR COUNTRY'S "BRAINS" COME UP WITH:
BANNING OREO COOKIES,
BANNING SUPERSIZE MEALS AT MCDONALDS,
TRADING DIRTY HEROIN NEEDLES FOR CLEAN ONES,
BANNING THE WORD "G-D IN THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGANCE,
BANNING LADIES NIGHT AT BARS,
PUTTING "FAMILY AREA" IN STRIP CLUBS,
BANNING MUSIC ON ICE CREAM TRUCKS,
BANNING "UNHEALTHY" FOOD IN SCHOOLS BECAUSE OF OBESE CHILDREN,
BANNING DOGS YELPING FOR MORE THAN 5 DAY MINUTES AND 10 NIGHT MINUTES,
BANNING NOISE AT CONSTRUCTION SITES,
BANNING WORDY AWNINGS,
BANNING TANNING BEDS,
BANNING PUBLIC DRINKING,
BANNING "INDECENCY" ON THE RADIO??
BAN FRENCH FRIES AND CALL THEM FREEDOM FRIES,
JEEEEEZZZZZE US !

WHAT IS GOING ON? JANET'S NIPPLE AIRS ON TELEVISION AND THE COUNTRY GOES TO THE CRAPPER. IT'S A FREAKIN NIPPLE. SO WHAT? MEN WALK AROUND TOPLESS AND WE GOT NIPPLES. ALL A WOMAN'S TIT IS IS A MAN'S NIPPLE WITH SOME FATTY TISSUE AROUND IT TO MAKE IT LARGER.

I KNOW THIS COUNTRY IS ALL SCREWED UP BUT WE PAY TAXES FOR MORONIC POLITICIANS TO MAKE UP STUPID LAWS INSTEAD OF TACKELING THE REAL ISSUES. IF THESE ARE THE DUMB THINGS THEY ARE WORKING ON, I'D LOVE TO SEE THE BLOOPER REEL OF OTHER TOPICS DISCUSSED THAT DIDN'T MAKE THE FINAL LIST.
IT IS TIME OUR LEGAL SYSTEM IS REFORMED. WHERE ELSE IN THE WORD DO CLUTZY WOMEN GET MILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR SPILLING "HOT" COFFEE ALL OVER HER SELF? IT'S A JOKE THAT THE JURY AWARDS THIS CLUTZY WHORE A LOAD OF CASH CAUSE SHE HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT. AND WHAT ABOUT THE MORONS WHO SMOKE MULTIPLE PACKS OF CIGARETTES EACH DAY FOR DECADES? HEY…LET'S SUE THE TOBACCO COMPANIES FOR BILLIONS. OR WHAT HAPPENS WHEN TWO UNSTABLE KIDS WALK INTO THEIR SCHOOL AND START PLUGGING BULLETS INTO OTHER STUDENTS AND FACULITY? HMMMMM…I GUESS WE HAVE TO PIN THAT UP TO ALL THE VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION. MAYBE THE PARENTS SHOULDN'T HAVE GUNS IN THE HOUSE OR IF THEY DO, PUT A FUCKING LOCK ON THE CABINET WHERE THE GUNS ARE. BUT, THESE AREN'T ISSUES WE DEAL WITH. WE ARE TOO TIED UP IN BANNING OREO COOKIES.

I THINK I'M GONNA MOVE TO RUSSIA !

The Great Stadium Debate

THE GREAT STADIUM DEBATE

The great stadium debate has begun. Politicians are arguing their pro's and con's for building a West Side Stadium for the Olympics (cough, cough Jets.) Their passionate debates are over the financial and economic impact of the project. Not many politicians can just get a ticket to Giants Stadium on a Sunday anyway so let's leave them to their bickering.

In reading articles about this subject, most Jets "fans" are for the West Side Stadium and for the Jets to finally have a place to call their home. However, these are just "fans" of the team; the true fans are the ones that shell out $60 a ticket for ten Sundays a year. Yes, I'm talking about the New York Jets Season Ticket Holder. It's time for a season ticket holder to be heard, as we are the ones that sacrifice our 1/2 of our Fall Sundays to root for the Jets at Giants Stadium. I cringe every time I have to mention "Giants Stadium" which is why we do need our own home, our own identity, but not on the West Side of Manhattan. A stadium in this location would only leave the true Jets fans out in the cold.

There are THREE reasons that this stadium should NOT be built:

1. ECONOMICS:
We all hear that the Jets are going to pay $800 million of the $1.4 Billion cost of the stadium. However, in the end, the fans are the ones that are really going to be paying for it with personal seat licenses (PSLs), increased ticket prices, and more expensive concessions. For the basic Jets fan, a new stadium in Manhattan sound great. They can continue to watch it on television as they have done in the past; this will have no financial impact on them. My family has been season ticket holders since the Mid 60's and one of my biggest fears may come true. I am concerned that that that PSLs and a dramatic increase in ticket prices will no longer be affordable for the current Jets fan. A new Jets Stadium will no longer be full of true Jets Fans; it will be dominated by corporations and the wealthy. Going to a Jets game will be no different than going to a Knicks or Rangers game. It would be all corporate seating.

2. TAILGATING:
Football is not just a 3 hour game…it is a full day's event. Fans gather early with their grills and coolers in all weather scenarios to feast and have some cocktails to get ready for game time. Having a burger at a restaurant on 33rd and 10th is not tailgating. A new stadium would eliminate tailgating. But, with all current season ticket holders unable to afford their seats, corporate clowns can go for a meal with their American Express Corporate Gold Card and expense the meal for their co-workers. Tailgating gets the fans rowdy; we don't want corporate tight asses sitting in their seats at game time. After tailgating, the true fan is so pumped up for the game that you can hear the place vibrate when the letters J-E-T-S are chanted. That is the way it is supposed to be.

3. TRAFFIC:
Who wants to take a bus or train to a game? Not a football fan. Who wants to drive to the city on a Sunday? Not a Jets fan. A West Side stadium will be a traffic nightmare. Can you picture 75,000 fans either going to their car or cramming into trains and busses? It's bad enough at the Meadowlands getting out and that is easy access to many highways. I can't even imagine the disaster it would be to get out of this place for 8 regular Sundays a year. Can you even imagine a home Monday Night game? You'll have 75,000 fans trying to get in with millions of commuters trying to get out. This is not a tiny arena sport that hold 18,000 people per night for 40+ home games per year where mass transit makes sense. This is 4 times the amount of people who enjoy hopping in their car when they wish to leave the stadium.
So while some people may think a City stadium is a great idea, the season ticket holders will be the ones that pay the price. Protect the REAL fans out there…we are the ones that will get a stadium rocking.

Corporate America Is DUMB !

Moving was very stressful. But, the most stressful part is dealing with all the morons at places who make life painfully difficult. All we do is try to do something the right way only to find out that we have to do it a 2nd time. We are busy…I'm sick of doing things twice. Below are all the frustrating things with companies we've encountered and they best be watching out because they don't know who they are dealing with. So many places just take your money and you NEVER get the service or product you are paying for.

FUTURAMA -- This place is a disaster. We ordered our couch back on May 8th for receipt on September 11th which is 18 weeks. I call them in mid August and they tell me that everything is on schedule. So, after moving in, we are sitting in front of the TV on a blanket on beach chairs for a few weeks when I call to look into the delivery and they tell me End-November. At this point I flip out. "You are not building a freggin rocket ship…it's a couch. There is some wood, metal, fabric, and stuffing. What is the problem? I'm getting nowhere calling the store. We already got screwed from them earlier when they told us we didn't have to pay anything for one year and then a week later, they tell us that we owe 1/2 of the cost of the couch. I flip out again and they apologized and we got a coupon for $150. Whoop-Deee-Do. I wouldn't spend it at this place if the purchase included free oral sex from a supermodel. Okay, so, I call the corporate office and start yelling and they are telling me that there is nothing that can be done. So, I ask for this person's boss and got his number but he never answered the phone so I continued calling him for days. In the meantime, we head to the store to speak to THE Manager. We get this dip-shit named Carlos. Carlos speaks English the way I speak Comanche Indian and that is NOT good. I am ready to start yelling in the store. He claims that he needs a day to investigate this matter and that he would call me at 11:00 am the next day. So, the next day, the clock his 11:01 and I received NO call back so I start dialing. After waiting on hold for 10 minutes, this duchebag picks up the phone. "Carlos…it's Kevin Harrison…the Natuzzi couch…you didn't call me back." He goes, "Oh sorry Mr. Harrison. I put in a call and need more time. I will call you back in the afternoon." I decided to give him more time. The clock now hits 5:00 pm and in my book, the afternoon is OVER. I pull over in a parking lot and dial this dumb ass. I ask for him to be paged. I wait about 10 minutes and they tell me that he is not answering his page. I say, "I am NOT waiting for him to call back. I will wait on the phone until he is tracked down." Finally, after another 10 minutes and smoke pouring out my ears, this moron picks up. "Carlos, it's Kevin Harrison. You didn't call me back again." "Oh, Mr. Harrison. We are looking at a couple more weeks." I said, "I'm gonna have the couch in 2 weeks?" He says, "It's looking like End November." I said, "That is NOT two weeks and that is unacceptable. So, I tell you what. First, I want a loner couch because I have events at my new house and I can't have guests on the floor. Second, I want some money off. I paid a lot of money for this couch and now I'm NOT paying full price." He goes, "Let me get the Manager." Huh? The Manager? When I met this guy, I first asked this useless terd if he was the manager and he said "yes." I wanted "THE" manager…not "A" manager. So, someone else picks up and they said they would look into my information. Meanwhile, this other cocksucker Scott from corporate finally calls me back after the weekend and I gave him an earful that probably could have melted his ear wax. I told him the situation and he gave me the right to cancel my couch. Yeah…that's what I want to do. Wait another 18+ weeks from another company…NOT. I told him I wanted money off and a loner. Finally, after all this arguing, I got 10% off and the loner would be on the way. I told them that it could NOT be one of those UGLY Melon or Green snot looking couches. And, finally, after almost a month on the floor, a BLACK couch and chair were delivered. But, I still want my couch and I'll bury this company full of lying shmucks. The story actually gets uglier…BUT…you can tune in to a news report on Channel 9 to hear more. Details to come your way soon.

BEST BUY -- A few weeks before moving, I was cleaning out the refrigerator and started getting skeeved out. There was brown stains, dried jelly, and mystery substances on the inside of the fridge. Plus, it was ugly, smelly, and just plain old gross. I don't eat leftovers from strangers houses so I sure wasn't going to put NEW food into a cold box of grossness? I took a tizzy and proclaimed that we were to buy a new fridge. So, we headed over to Best Buy. They should call this place Worst Buy as I'll never use them again for an appliance. We purchased a fridge and had scheduled a delivery for the first Monday we were in the place. When they arrived, they asked me outside to inspect the fridge. There was a nice sized dent/scratch on the freezer part. I told them to box it back up because we were NOT accepting damaged goods. Their office called and I told them the issue and they promised a new fridge to be delivered on Wednesday. So, two more days that we couldn't go shopping for food. Wednesday arrived and I went out to inspect the fridge and they re-delivered the same stupid damaged fridge. Am I dealing with the A.R.S -- American Retard Society? I flipped out and called the store. I told them that they BEST be getting me a NEW non-damaged Fridge in a sealed box as soon as possible. But, now I had to wait until Saturday. So, that was three more days of NO food to be purchased. Finally, these careless a-holes got it right and we were in business. They took the yucky fridge out and replaced it with the new one. I don't think I'll be able to bury Best Buy but I'll be writing a nasty letter to their corporate office since the useless store manager didn't do a thing for us when we went to complain in person.

MADAME PAULETTE -- Among all of our packing and moving, we were having issues with the place that was cleaning and preserving Ilisa's dress. We were starting to have boxes pile up in the apartment. Ilisa calls this moronic place and asked for status of her dress as it was nearing the point of completion. They said about a week to 10 days. The next day, we are sitting on the couch watching some reality show and it is 11:00 and I'm washing up and the doorbell rings. I let the person up and there is a black man with a box. I didn't know what the hell was going on but I signed for it. It was the wedding dress in our apartment 9 days earlier than was told the day before. The dress looked like it was in a coffin so Ilisa called the next day and explained what she received which they confirmed was wrong. So, they promised they'd be there the next day. That didn't happen. So, she called again and then promised they'd be there the next day. That didn't happen again. So, Ilisa flipped out on this queer and finally, it was picked up to be done over and be properly restored. We had the same issues of it getting re-delivered where they said it was coming and it was not. After we finally received it, they guy was to give a credit of only $75 but whatever. So, in the midst of all our unpacking, Ilisa realized that this ass licking fool never gave her any credit. So, she called for three days and got his machine and there was NOT a call back. Finally, he called back and didn't even remember to do the credit and didn't remember the correct amount so we lied and got a $100 dollar credit. A huge hassle for $100 bucks but I wouldn't use this place if you gave my nasty feet a foot massage on the beach. As a wise Jew once said, "Fatick." A year has gone by since the wedding...we still have not received the $100 bucks.

OTHER ISSUES -- There are so many other things that I can't even keep track of the aggravations. But, here are some of them:

BASSETT -- This place comes to deliver our living room set. They bring the chairs to the dining room table but don't bring the seat. The frame of the chair does me NO Good unless I put a bucket under it and use it as an old fashioned toilet.

WESCO -- They deliver the kitchen set and there is fabric that stick out under the seat and looks terrible. So, the delivery guy has to dismantle each chair to cut the extra fabric off.

P.C. RICHARDS -- They come and delivery a 2nd fridge for the basement that is missing plastic bars on the inside of the door to keep food from flying out. They claim the model we asked for was without these bars so I had to order them from the parts department. They also delivered the kitchen TV but didn't have the cantilever to hang the TV so we had to find a NJ store to pick it up ourselves. Finally, they tell me I need a professional to get my grill installed. So, I hire a Grill person and all I had to do was put it into our gas line. At least the guy didn't charge me.

MORT OLIN CARPETS -- We get a quote from this guy Eric who didn't shut the hell up. The guy would speak non stop more than humans blink. Ilisa takes a day off for the closets to get installed the day that Slomin's was coming and he calls that the materials weren't cut so she had to take another day off the following week. They also forgot to install a hanging bar in my closet.

MCI -- I was a customer in NYC. I gave them my new address to turn on the phone. I was calling they day after day and for some reason, another "reliable" bunch of jerks didn't come through as it took 25+ days to turn on the phone.

WORLDWIDE CARPETS -- We were getting close to the painters being finished and they give us a ridiculously high quote for Carpet for our bedroom. Hell, it was basic fabric. They quoted me like it was weaved with 14 carrot gold. Luckily, a mill's machine died so we got more expensive carpet for 75% of what the original fabric would have cost.

PICTURE PERFECT PAINT -- They took down all the window treatments to paint. When they were done, we went to put back up the window treatments. They must have thrown them all in a pile as the treatments were all wrinkled. Luckily between steaming them individually plus the humidity from outside, they straightened out themselves.

CK SPARKS ELECTRICIANS -- They were fixing the attic fan that wasn't working because the prior owners set the thermostat to 175 degrees and in such a high place that it was unreachable. So, getting down the attic, they crush the attic door. So, it's off to Home Depot for them to cut a new door for me.

THE ACCENT GROUP -- I get the new grill and have it for a week. This place is painting the home and drip gray paint all over the grill cover. I told them they were gonna pay for it but I think they got most of the gray out.

COMCAST -- They come to hook up the TV. Figures they would hook it up incorrect where I was only getting the high-def channels so I had to book a 2nd appointment. Gotta love good service.

TAYLOR MANAGEMENT -- My first week there, I can't open the front sliding door. To me, sliding doors are part of the building structure which should be covered by the management company and my first week there, the dues already went up $17. So, I had to call a stupid door company to fix the doors. And, they paint the outside of the house and didn't cover the bushes or my NEW grill. So, I have nice green bushes with white paint splatter all over it as well as gray spots on my NEW grill cover. They finally got the stain out but it took about 50 phone calls. Can you say, "Morons?"

WALL UNITS AND MORE -- We ordered a TV Stand for delivery on 8/30. It gets delivered on 9/18. Gotta love a 19 day delay.

NJ PETS -- This is not really their fault. A week before moving, we go to NJ Pets to purchase a new tank and stand. On the Wednesday before, we have two guys come and set up the fish tank. On the day before moving, we put Moe (the fish) in the transport case. The fish was NOT happy. However, Ilisa and Evan got him in the tank and he was alive. And hour later, he croaked. This sucked. He was thrown in the garbage on 65th and York. There was NO time for a proper burial with us moving the next day. Oh well.

TARGET -- We return more things to this place. We buy something for the bathroom. It's missing pieces and it is a piece of shit. We buy Universal Drill Bits by Black and Decker for our Black and Decker drill and guess what? The drill bits are not really universal. What the hell?

FORTUNOFF -- These morons don't take back registry gifts after 3 month. Meanwhile, most of the items you get off the registry we didn't need until we moved. So, half of the items you want to return are discontinued and you get nothing back. Great scam this whole registry thing is. The way to go is to ONLY register for gift cards. Then, when you are ready to move, you just buy what you want.

BED BATH & BEYOND -- We have become regulars at their returns counter. Everything we buy doesn't fit or doesn't work. 50% of everything we buy goes right back to the store to buy something else. But, Ilisa had a great plan of returning discontinued items from Fortunoff that we owned but didn't want and BBB took them back and we got some loot back. Gotta love corporate stupidity.

HOME DEPOT -- We are now regulars here. However, the store by us has terrible help. You can never find a person to answer your questions. This Chinese man was helping me. Then, he walked away to help someone else. Tons of returns from this place as well but that is because I'm trying to be handy and I'm not the handiest of person.

SHOP RITE -- The supermarket by us sucks. We get all of our shopping done in 10 minutes but it then takes 40 freggin minutes to check out. They are dumb as shit in the place. I may have to start using a supermarket in an adjacent town.

BRITA -- We order a Brita water cooler. Guess what? One of the pieces is slightly damaged and I still have NOT received the replacement. But, why is that a surprise. Two months have gone by and they finally sent a replacement part and guess freakin what…it's STILL damaged !

KITCHEN AID -- We've been trying to find a new coffee filter for our coffee pot that we've been using for a year. For some reason we can not find the correct filter. I finally get an email from their customer service that says that their pot was discontinued and that they are going with a new line. So, pretty much my new coffee pot is useless. I've been going back and fourth with this stupid company and will be demanding a replacement as I'm NOT going to run out and get a new pot because they deceived the customer to buy a product that you can no longer buy a filter for. Screw that.

NORTH FORK BANK -- In the midst of all my fighting, North Fork Bank sends me a new ATM card as my other one expired but they gave me a new pin. When I get a regular credit card sent in the mail because the other one expired, I get to keep the PIN. But, this place makes you go to a bank to do this in person. What a waste. So, just my luck, I go to a bank to do this and the computer was down. Guess I have to do things again like always.

WEST ORANGE RECYCLING -- We have to separate Aluminum. We have to separate glass by color (clear, green, and brown). We have to separate newspaper from other junk mail and papers. We have to cut down cardboard into small pieces for them to take it away. And, with all these rules, they don't take Plastic. You can either throw it in the garbage or bring it to the recycle plant which is what I've been doing for most of the cardboard as it is easier so you don't have to cut it all up as long as it is flat. I wonder who the idiot is who is running this town.

CHARLES H. GREENTHAL MGMT -- This is my old landlord. They do not call back and I'm trying to figure out when I'm gonna get my security deposit back. I'll be their worst nightmare until I get my money back. Six weeks later, after numerous calls, I got 95% of my security deposit back. Man, I got lucky cause you should have seen the place what it looked like after I moved out.

NJ MOTOR VEHICLES -- Don't even get me started on the stupidity of this organization. We went once to get NJ licenses. But, until we got insurance, we couldn't do the rest. So, we go back again with insurance for the registration. They then send us to a different town to get eye tests. So, once we do that we go back again to motor vehicles with the eye test results and the insurance and then they send us to another location for the inspection. Finally, after 4 trips we had our NJ license. This is an organization that needs a complete revamping. The morons in my company are more organized than the people at Motor Vehicles and that is really scary.

THE GOOD PLACES -- The only places we have not had a problem is at Sears for the cleaning of the air ducts and the carpet cleaning, Pelican for the patio furniture, Select Comfort and Costco. Oh, and Evan Drachtman who totally hooked us up with the lighting.

Every other company is filled with morons who take your money and then don't provide the service or product you paid for. But, they are dealing with a HARRISON so watch out Corporate American…I'm coming to make your life miserable.