Corporate America Is DUMB !

Moving was very stressful. But, the most stressful part is dealing with all the morons at places who make life painfully difficult. All we do is try to do something the right way only to find out that we have to do it a 2nd time. We are busy…I'm sick of doing things twice. Below are all the frustrating things with companies we've encountered and they best be watching out because they don't know who they are dealing with. So many places just take your money and you NEVER get the service or product you are paying for.

FUTURAMA -- This place is a disaster. We ordered our couch back on May 8th for receipt on September 11th which is 18 weeks. I call them in mid August and they tell me that everything is on schedule. So, after moving in, we are sitting in front of the TV on a blanket on beach chairs for a few weeks when I call to look into the delivery and they tell me End-November. At this point I flip out. "You are not building a freggin rocket ship…it's a couch. There is some wood, metal, fabric, and stuffing. What is the problem? I'm getting nowhere calling the store. We already got screwed from them earlier when they told us we didn't have to pay anything for one year and then a week later, they tell us that we owe 1/2 of the cost of the couch. I flip out again and they apologized and we got a coupon for $150. Whoop-Deee-Do. I wouldn't spend it at this place if the purchase included free oral sex from a supermodel. Okay, so, I call the corporate office and start yelling and they are telling me that there is nothing that can be done. So, I ask for this person's boss and got his number but he never answered the phone so I continued calling him for days. In the meantime, we head to the store to speak to THE Manager. We get this dip-shit named Carlos. Carlos speaks English the way I speak Comanche Indian and that is NOT good. I am ready to start yelling in the store. He claims that he needs a day to investigate this matter and that he would call me at 11:00 am the next day. So, the next day, the clock his 11:01 and I received NO call back so I start dialing. After waiting on hold for 10 minutes, this duchebag picks up the phone. "Carlos…it's Kevin Harrison…the Natuzzi couch…you didn't call me back." He goes, "Oh sorry Mr. Harrison. I put in a call and need more time. I will call you back in the afternoon." I decided to give him more time. The clock now hits 5:00 pm and in my book, the afternoon is OVER. I pull over in a parking lot and dial this dumb ass. I ask for him to be paged. I wait about 10 minutes and they tell me that he is not answering his page. I say, "I am NOT waiting for him to call back. I will wait on the phone until he is tracked down." Finally, after another 10 minutes and smoke pouring out my ears, this moron picks up. "Carlos, it's Kevin Harrison. You didn't call me back again." "Oh, Mr. Harrison. We are looking at a couple more weeks." I said, "I'm gonna have the couch in 2 weeks?" He says, "It's looking like End November." I said, "That is NOT two weeks and that is unacceptable. So, I tell you what. First, I want a loner couch because I have events at my new house and I can't have guests on the floor. Second, I want some money off. I paid a lot of money for this couch and now I'm NOT paying full price." He goes, "Let me get the Manager." Huh? The Manager? When I met this guy, I first asked this useless terd if he was the manager and he said "yes." I wanted "THE" manager…not "A" manager. So, someone else picks up and they said they would look into my information. Meanwhile, this other cocksucker Scott from corporate finally calls me back after the weekend and I gave him an earful that probably could have melted his ear wax. I told him the situation and he gave me the right to cancel my couch. Yeah…that's what I want to do. Wait another 18+ weeks from another company…NOT. I told him I wanted money off and a loner. Finally, after all this arguing, I got 10% off and the loner would be on the way. I told them that it could NOT be one of those UGLY Melon or Green snot looking couches. And, finally, after almost a month on the floor, a BLACK couch and chair were delivered. But, I still want my couch and I'll bury this company full of lying shmucks. The story actually gets uglier…BUT…you can tune in to a news report on Channel 9 to hear more. Details to come your way soon.

BEST BUY -- A few weeks before moving, I was cleaning out the refrigerator and started getting skeeved out. There was brown stains, dried jelly, and mystery substances on the inside of the fridge. Plus, it was ugly, smelly, and just plain old gross. I don't eat leftovers from strangers houses so I sure wasn't going to put NEW food into a cold box of grossness? I took a tizzy and proclaimed that we were to buy a new fridge. So, we headed over to Best Buy. They should call this place Worst Buy as I'll never use them again for an appliance. We purchased a fridge and had scheduled a delivery for the first Monday we were in the place. When they arrived, they asked me outside to inspect the fridge. There was a nice sized dent/scratch on the freezer part. I told them to box it back up because we were NOT accepting damaged goods. Their office called and I told them the issue and they promised a new fridge to be delivered on Wednesday. So, two more days that we couldn't go shopping for food. Wednesday arrived and I went out to inspect the fridge and they re-delivered the same stupid damaged fridge. Am I dealing with the A.R.S -- American Retard Society? I flipped out and called the store. I told them that they BEST be getting me a NEW non-damaged Fridge in a sealed box as soon as possible. But, now I had to wait until Saturday. So, that was three more days of NO food to be purchased. Finally, these careless a-holes got it right and we were in business. They took the yucky fridge out and replaced it with the new one. I don't think I'll be able to bury Best Buy but I'll be writing a nasty letter to their corporate office since the useless store manager didn't do a thing for us when we went to complain in person.

MADAME PAULETTE -- Among all of our packing and moving, we were having issues with the place that was cleaning and preserving Ilisa's dress. We were starting to have boxes pile up in the apartment. Ilisa calls this moronic place and asked for status of her dress as it was nearing the point of completion. They said about a week to 10 days. The next day, we are sitting on the couch watching some reality show and it is 11:00 and I'm washing up and the doorbell rings. I let the person up and there is a black man with a box. I didn't know what the hell was going on but I signed for it. It was the wedding dress in our apartment 9 days earlier than was told the day before. The dress looked like it was in a coffin so Ilisa called the next day and explained what she received which they confirmed was wrong. So, they promised they'd be there the next day. That didn't happen. So, she called again and then promised they'd be there the next day. That didn't happen again. So, Ilisa flipped out on this queer and finally, it was picked up to be done over and be properly restored. We had the same issues of it getting re-delivered where they said it was coming and it was not. After we finally received it, they guy was to give a credit of only $75 but whatever. So, in the midst of all our unpacking, Ilisa realized that this ass licking fool never gave her any credit. So, she called for three days and got his machine and there was NOT a call back. Finally, he called back and didn't even remember to do the credit and didn't remember the correct amount so we lied and got a $100 dollar credit. A huge hassle for $100 bucks but I wouldn't use this place if you gave my nasty feet a foot massage on the beach. As a wise Jew once said, "Fatick." A year has gone by since the wedding...we still have not received the $100 bucks.

OTHER ISSUES -- There are so many other things that I can't even keep track of the aggravations. But, here are some of them:

BASSETT -- This place comes to deliver our living room set. They bring the chairs to the dining room table but don't bring the seat. The frame of the chair does me NO Good unless I put a bucket under it and use it as an old fashioned toilet.

WESCO -- They deliver the kitchen set and there is fabric that stick out under the seat and looks terrible. So, the delivery guy has to dismantle each chair to cut the extra fabric off.

P.C. RICHARDS -- They come and delivery a 2nd fridge for the basement that is missing plastic bars on the inside of the door to keep food from flying out. They claim the model we asked for was without these bars so I had to order them from the parts department. They also delivered the kitchen TV but didn't have the cantilever to hang the TV so we had to find a NJ store to pick it up ourselves. Finally, they tell me I need a professional to get my grill installed. So, I hire a Grill person and all I had to do was put it into our gas line. At least the guy didn't charge me.

MORT OLIN CARPETS -- We get a quote from this guy Eric who didn't shut the hell up. The guy would speak non stop more than humans blink. Ilisa takes a day off for the closets to get installed the day that Slomin's was coming and he calls that the materials weren't cut so she had to take another day off the following week. They also forgot to install a hanging bar in my closet.

MCI -- I was a customer in NYC. I gave them my new address to turn on the phone. I was calling they day after day and for some reason, another "reliable" bunch of jerks didn't come through as it took 25+ days to turn on the phone.

WORLDWIDE CARPETS -- We were getting close to the painters being finished and they give us a ridiculously high quote for Carpet for our bedroom. Hell, it was basic fabric. They quoted me like it was weaved with 14 carrot gold. Luckily, a mill's machine died so we got more expensive carpet for 75% of what the original fabric would have cost.

PICTURE PERFECT PAINT -- They took down all the window treatments to paint. When they were done, we went to put back up the window treatments. They must have thrown them all in a pile as the treatments were all wrinkled. Luckily between steaming them individually plus the humidity from outside, they straightened out themselves.

CK SPARKS ELECTRICIANS -- They were fixing the attic fan that wasn't working because the prior owners set the thermostat to 175 degrees and in such a high place that it was unreachable. So, getting down the attic, they crush the attic door. So, it's off to Home Depot for them to cut a new door for me.

THE ACCENT GROUP -- I get the new grill and have it for a week. This place is painting the home and drip gray paint all over the grill cover. I told them they were gonna pay for it but I think they got most of the gray out.

COMCAST -- They come to hook up the TV. Figures they would hook it up incorrect where I was only getting the high-def channels so I had to book a 2nd appointment. Gotta love good service.

TAYLOR MANAGEMENT -- My first week there, I can't open the front sliding door. To me, sliding doors are part of the building structure which should be covered by the management company and my first week there, the dues already went up $17. So, I had to call a stupid door company to fix the doors. And, they paint the outside of the house and didn't cover the bushes or my NEW grill. So, I have nice green bushes with white paint splatter all over it as well as gray spots on my NEW grill cover. They finally got the stain out but it took about 50 phone calls. Can you say, "Morons?"

WALL UNITS AND MORE -- We ordered a TV Stand for delivery on 8/30. It gets delivered on 9/18. Gotta love a 19 day delay.

NJ PETS -- This is not really their fault. A week before moving, we go to NJ Pets to purchase a new tank and stand. On the Wednesday before, we have two guys come and set up the fish tank. On the day before moving, we put Moe (the fish) in the transport case. The fish was NOT happy. However, Ilisa and Evan got him in the tank and he was alive. And hour later, he croaked. This sucked. He was thrown in the garbage on 65th and York. There was NO time for a proper burial with us moving the next day. Oh well.

TARGET -- We return more things to this place. We buy something for the bathroom. It's missing pieces and it is a piece of shit. We buy Universal Drill Bits by Black and Decker for our Black and Decker drill and guess what? The drill bits are not really universal. What the hell?

FORTUNOFF -- These morons don't take back registry gifts after 3 month. Meanwhile, most of the items you get off the registry we didn't need until we moved. So, half of the items you want to return are discontinued and you get nothing back. Great scam this whole registry thing is. The way to go is to ONLY register for gift cards. Then, when you are ready to move, you just buy what you want.

BED BATH & BEYOND -- We have become regulars at their returns counter. Everything we buy doesn't fit or doesn't work. 50% of everything we buy goes right back to the store to buy something else. But, Ilisa had a great plan of returning discontinued items from Fortunoff that we owned but didn't want and BBB took them back and we got some loot back. Gotta love corporate stupidity.

HOME DEPOT -- We are now regulars here. However, the store by us has terrible help. You can never find a person to answer your questions. This Chinese man was helping me. Then, he walked away to help someone else. Tons of returns from this place as well but that is because I'm trying to be handy and I'm not the handiest of person.

SHOP RITE -- The supermarket by us sucks. We get all of our shopping done in 10 minutes but it then takes 40 freggin minutes to check out. They are dumb as shit in the place. I may have to start using a supermarket in an adjacent town.

BRITA -- We order a Brita water cooler. Guess what? One of the pieces is slightly damaged and I still have NOT received the replacement. But, why is that a surprise. Two months have gone by and they finally sent a replacement part and guess freakin what…it's STILL damaged !

KITCHEN AID -- We've been trying to find a new coffee filter for our coffee pot that we've been using for a year. For some reason we can not find the correct filter. I finally get an email from their customer service that says that their pot was discontinued and that they are going with a new line. So, pretty much my new coffee pot is useless. I've been going back and fourth with this stupid company and will be demanding a replacement as I'm NOT going to run out and get a new pot because they deceived the customer to buy a product that you can no longer buy a filter for. Screw that.

NORTH FORK BANK -- In the midst of all my fighting, North Fork Bank sends me a new ATM card as my other one expired but they gave me a new pin. When I get a regular credit card sent in the mail because the other one expired, I get to keep the PIN. But, this place makes you go to a bank to do this in person. What a waste. So, just my luck, I go to a bank to do this and the computer was down. Guess I have to do things again like always.

WEST ORANGE RECYCLING -- We have to separate Aluminum. We have to separate glass by color (clear, green, and brown). We have to separate newspaper from other junk mail and papers. We have to cut down cardboard into small pieces for them to take it away. And, with all these rules, they don't take Plastic. You can either throw it in the garbage or bring it to the recycle plant which is what I've been doing for most of the cardboard as it is easier so you don't have to cut it all up as long as it is flat. I wonder who the idiot is who is running this town.

CHARLES H. GREENTHAL MGMT -- This is my old landlord. They do not call back and I'm trying to figure out when I'm gonna get my security deposit back. I'll be their worst nightmare until I get my money back. Six weeks later, after numerous calls, I got 95% of my security deposit back. Man, I got lucky cause you should have seen the place what it looked like after I moved out.

NJ MOTOR VEHICLES -- Don't even get me started on the stupidity of this organization. We went once to get NJ licenses. But, until we got insurance, we couldn't do the rest. So, we go back again with insurance for the registration. They then send us to a different town to get eye tests. So, once we do that we go back again to motor vehicles with the eye test results and the insurance and then they send us to another location for the inspection. Finally, after 4 trips we had our NJ license. This is an organization that needs a complete revamping. The morons in my company are more organized than the people at Motor Vehicles and that is really scary.

THE GOOD PLACES -- The only places we have not had a problem is at Sears for the cleaning of the air ducts and the carpet cleaning, Pelican for the patio furniture, Select Comfort and Costco. Oh, and Evan Drachtman who totally hooked us up with the lighting.

Every other company is filled with morons who take your money and then don't provide the service or product you paid for. But, they are dealing with a HARRISON so watch out Corporate American…I'm coming to make your life miserable.